Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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