if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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