And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
