at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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