Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
