When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
