my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
