Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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