Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
