is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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