i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
