i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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