i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
