It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The uberlube is also flammable
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize