I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
