i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
