My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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