You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
