Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
