It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
