Jerry, you need to find god
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i think my cat just said my name.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
