She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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