A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
All the doctor said was why
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
