If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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