So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
