i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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