help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
