my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
