There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
