I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
