i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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