I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
