i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
