i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
