I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
