fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
