FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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