bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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