I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
