I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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