Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
