Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
