Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
