You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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