Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
