when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
