just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
