I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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