Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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