so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
