I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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