We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
