Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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