I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
