He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
