well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
