i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
