Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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