Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
