I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
