what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
