Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize