Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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