I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize