Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
