my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize