she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize