Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
