I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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