Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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