i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
