You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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