she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
