I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
