Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
