I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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