I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
