What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
