Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
