Duck Duck Cougar?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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