if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
