I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
