we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
