Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
