she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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