Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
