I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
