you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
