It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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