You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
worst night to have a conscience
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
