I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
