Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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