so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
