That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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