I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
