did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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