I'm really into asian looking animals
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
