Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
