why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
