At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
