it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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