coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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