i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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